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Blank - 15/1

Had a restless night - tossed and turned. Too many thoughts going through my mind.


While doing some morning chores, I kept going over the past few months. I know 'Apple' is a genuinely amazing person, but I don't know that much about her. Yes, we have talked alot, shared some deep thoughts, feelings, and past experiences but I don't know her that well though I always enjoyed being around her. Was it all in my mind? Hell, I don't even know her favourite colour.


I wonder how often "you" are the lottery winner. So many over time thinks they're that special one - seems I am no different. I've fallen for a woman, thousands of kilometers away who I've only spoken and texted. Ha - maybe I'm the fool here after all - I'd consider it a lesson after all.


--


My brother and I are planning a week long hike in the wilderness - looking forward to it. He seems confident in doing 62km trail in 5 days. We've done the 3 day trip in the past, about a decade ago but we were much younger and "fitter" then. The past year, I've been doing alot of working out, exercising, etc. Having gone up a mountain 2 days ago and a relatively fast past, I'm curious to see my ability on longer trails and hikes.


More importantly, I'd like to use this time for quiet reflection, I have lost a sense of purpose and direction, I've become my work. I know I won't "magically" find it there, but I hope it will 'reawaken' the energy, the drive, the will and confidence I once (believed I) had.


--


Silence is as much an answer as saying no. Somewhere I always knew it wasn't "going to work out" as if something was there to begin with.


Had a nice long chat with a friend, he complimented me on my looks, on my progress, on me as a person and my good qualities, hard work, etc. He is a joker, but I genuinely appreciated the compliments even if it didn't quite sink in. He gave me some advice between himself and another mutual friend, they're taking it very slow.


'Apple' wasn't slow, with nothing she did - that's what I really like about her. She moves quick, has the energy, thinks quick on her feet. Maybe it is my fault for falling for her. I should move on, as best I can.

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