First time for everything 17/12

I've heard writing to strangers online can be therapeutic. I've decided to give this a try, let's see how it goes...

Woke up this morning from a dream. My dreams have not be pleasant. I don't remember what happened, but I can certainly say my father always features in them.

Today, did some spring cleaning, I hope as a premptive measure to finally take a step into the unknown and maybe as a precursor to realize my goals.

I have come to detest my job, not too long ago it has some great potential but these days it's saturated, trying to find a position at a company has been exahusting. Having done freelancing my whole professional career, I'm desperating trying to get into corporate. Maybe I should review my resume again.

I've started seeing a psychologist, I'm hoping to work through several issues I've been able to surpress until recently. Met a woman online, she somehow got past many of my defenses, showed interest where I though I didn't deserve any unless I had made my mark and largely contributed to society. She opened Pandora's box with just a small phrase, "Hey, thinking of you". This, at the moment didn't mean much, but as the hours ticked by and the days came and went, this stuck and has derailed me completely - mentally and emotionally.

It's similar to someone pointing something out you've never realized, but once you see it you cannot unsee it again - it's like that, and it's become a glaring light in the dark.