Journey: Time management, people skills - 14/10/2025

With my mind set on the future, I'm concerned where I find myself now and where I envision myself to be. I do not seem to possess the qualities of a leader, or someone that speaks of confidence, direction and certainty. Having said that, I still have others that look up at me and see me as someone they strive for. Giving guidance to them makes me feel like a I'm a fraud.

I noticed this yesterday dealing with issues regarding my phone contract, I realized that in my internal frustration I was unable to get through to the detached and unmotivated store representative. I'd usually be the one to intermediate between perspectives and present a solution however I noted it is not always the case. It brings to mind, one has bad days but also the chain is only as strong as the weakest link. This, in addition to seeing poor workmanship between engineers who are supposedly my equals, and those who are my senior in position who allow subpar work being submitted made my day quite frustrating. I have learned many lessons in handling myself, dealing with emotions however it seems I'm still on the journey, for now.

My feelings and emotions for C has diminished to that of a peer with whom I live i.e. friends with benefits as it were. Our relationship can be construed as one of siblings, instead of partners. This is partly due to her communication with previous suitors throughout our courtship, partly due to her lack of ambition, partly due to her lack of respect for me. I do not care enough to call t.o.d. In retrospection, this might be a good source of fuel for my current mindset.

I had had some good interactions yesterday, of which partly made my day, making people smile with witty comments, smirks and laughs has always been my unique ability. I should give fuel to that.

I unfortunately gave in to pressure, and had a meal late at night in including 2 squares of cake. Having purposed to improve my diet with appropriate meals, I have failed in this. I will try again tomorrow, I will continue trying until I succeed.

I know there are bad days, and that is okay. It is okay to fail, but it is not okay to stop. I don't ever stop, I won't ever stop until my last breath - this is ingrained in me, the WILL to continue.