The day after 18/10/2025

After all the turmoil, after asking her to give me space during the night she came to bed at 6am. A part of me wanted her to, a part of me wondered if that was another attempt at 'crossing a boundary' and see how far she can test me again. I am tired of this, why are women like this, the always need to test boundaries and see how far they can push you. I'm exhausted of being a "man". I just want to be me.

We went out for lunch at a mall, did a little bit of shopping. These are usually times where C spends quite alot, that being a way to create another 'problem' to mask the current one of her pushing boundaries. I made sure to let her know, she hurt me, a few times and I won't let her forget it. Whether that's a wise thing is a different matter entirely. Whether there is actual long-term consistent internal change makes the difference between compliance and remorse. I think she is just complying. I think it will take me a while to fully realize and understand what happened, the full implications of it and the consequences of staying in a relationship that's forever changed in such a way.