Started with a relaxing morning, but a restless night of sleep.
I'm proud of my current abilities, an excited about the my physical capabilities in future. I am however still unsettled in my profession/career abilities and trajectory. I suspect I'll need to make some changes. I can either remain where I am, save up or move to a new city with new experiences but take longer to save. I intend on immigration, though I am unsure of where my next step is.
I'm saving up, primarily to further my education. Fribourg, Switzerland is certainly a choice for their Masters program, alternatively I'm interested in Georgia Tech in Atlanta, the latter being a bit more expensive. Both are influenced by friends. As a last resort, continuing studies at a local university that's on par with international expectations, it is cheaper.
What will influence my decision, I am unhappy with where I am currently: my profession, my career and lack of progress. I can create some complex software, and help businesses grow and reach their potential but I am not satisfied. I'm considering a second degree. I'm concerned about acquiring several degrees and it being ultimately a pointless endeavour: I do not use 1 or more of them.
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I have an idea. As the photo album and the video camera allowed one to capture an event, or record a memorable time with family or friends, I suspect this idea could be the next upgrade to "taking a photo".
A moment in time. A moment in time might be something you hear, something you saw, something you smelt or felt, an emotion, a feeling, a desire. But that moment doesn't exist by itself. There is a build up, 'foreplay' to that moment. It builds up over a matter of seconds, minutes, hours or years. You're climbing a mountain, the peak might not be that moment but the after a difficult climbing section, you stood in awe of your surroundings. Or holding your son/daughter for the first time, after many years of wanting to be a parent. When that moment comes, you are aware of it, you appreciate it, you revel in it or simply you enjoy it for what it is. When looking back at a particular day, or year there are some memories that stand out, the details may be lost to time. Some may argue this to be the beauty of a fleeting moment. A moment is capturing all senses, visual, audio, feelings, but also your company, timeline, joys and struggles to form that particular memory, and the associated moment.
I don't think this should be another social media platform with perpetual updates - this is intended as a dairy, a journal, something to share with a select group of people. Though, each event will have it's own meaning to the individual. "Group sharing" vs "individual meaning" are 2 opposing concepts in the setting of social media in this regard, one which requires careful consideration.
Personal example of a moment I think back on fondly, not a happy memory but a pleasant one. This occurred several years back. I was in high school and my family and I went on holiday. We visited a bird sanctuary. Some months prior to the trip, my brother shared an amateur video on Youtube about "best songs" around the world. There was a Croatian singer, she was gorgeous and very attractive but also had a great voice. I was obsessed with her. At high school, I was also taking German classes from an exchange teacher, from Germany - she had a similar tanned skin and was very attractive. I'm omitting details for brevity. Back to the golden thread. While walking through the sanctuary, we came across Flamingos. The path curved slightly to the right, a loose white gravel/stone path with wooden edges (mini tree stumps in a row on both sides as the edge). Small open grass area, where several birds were. But there was a young woman, with her parents. They were German (speaking). She was beautiful. But, reminded me of this Croatian singer. She was wearing white Adidas shows, with an ankle tattoo. I think she wore 3/4 pants, maybe jeans.
This memory, its not that the year was difficult, or many things happened in our family, or one of our dogs died, or several other reasons. They certainly factored in though. The memory comes from a difficult year, but finding a (rough) diamond in it to add to your life's jewel collection. But a ring isn't just how big the contained jewel is, it has supports, a container and various other decorations. The jewel is the center piece which makes the ring, but non of which has much meaning without one another. A memory is a sum of events with a euphoric ending.
I believe, with the help of new/recent AI developments - capturing a moment will be possible. Such a platform will require passive monitoring of your daily activities - to your discretion. Who you talk to, what you do, where you spend your time, what your fear and hopes are, struggles or joys you face with family, friends or colleagues. What you consume, what you eat, etc. Everyone of these factors plays a roll, some more than others though ratios of each may change for different moments.
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I may have done something incredible stupid, or sweet, or both. I wanted to tell 'Apple' how I feel. We've had a few personal voice chats, and she is an interesting person - I suspect a bit reserved too. I opened up to her, last time a bit too much but told her how I felt.
I unloaded past negative experiences on her, it bothered my afterwards... alot. It was inconsiderate, it was insensitive and inappropriate. I wanted to tell her I'm sorry for doing this.
She's helped me get out of my shell, I put aside the prospect of a relationship for too many years. Each time the thought entered my mind, I hardened myself against it. She came in and dissolved those defences.
I wrote a section about her in my journal, a number of them infact but only shared one snippet with her. I felt it was inappropriate to share something that personal with someone.
I wanted to let her know, she is truly an amazing person, and someone special. My mind often goes blank talking with her, but I love to hear about her, about her day and interests.
So, we might have a talk later, we might not I'll never hear from her again or it might be swept under the rug. Too many things can happen, I'm extremely hesitant to not expect the worst, to fortify my mind and not experience 'good news' if it comes. I'm not nervous when writing this, I'm hopeful but slightly anxious too.
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Haven't gotten that "proper sit down" talk she promised later, atleast not yet. Presuming anything might be unwise. Though, I suspect I alienate myself or someone else with a fancy speech like this - wouldn't be the first time either.
It might not be appropriate, but I said what I felt and that's the honest thing to do. If she does not respond, if she does not feel the same or reciprocate in any way - it's no one's fault. I am content with my actions, it may have been too much but I need some peace of mind. I need to know where I stand. I need to move on, though I would be remise if I did not say or do anything to get to know her better.
Tomorrow is going to be a busy day - looking forward to a busy, productive and prosperous week.
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